Letter from the North

Many poo adventures and looking at anniversaries – 06-Oct-2018 


Halsway Manor, this the view that greeted Teresa.

Sat 06- Oct -2018   

Teresa is away at a singing course at Halsway Manor this weekend, so I am on my own today. I made malt loaf and pockled away at work. 

It’s odd being here on my own. When Teresa left yesterday, the cats retired upstairs to our bed and did not seem to move (apart from coming down to eat on occasions), however today they are downstairs here with me, and they stayed here all day. 

A typical knot of cats on Teresa’s chair! 

Sun 07- Oct -2018   

Not only did the cats spent all day with me, but they stayed for the night as well. I wonder if they realise that I am the only game in town and they need to curry favour? 🙂  

Teresa is still away, and I am still pockling along, also did some Lego sorting. 

Two years ago, I asked for some Lego for Christmas. I didn’t want a set, just a bag of mixed bits so I could play around with them. That was an awful lot of bits and, despite wanting to, I never got my head around them – not surprising as I was fresh into my new job in Penryn and then there was all the stuff Teresa and I wanted to do now I lived at “home”. Last year, well, we all know what dominated last year. However, recently I’ve started sorting out all my old bits AND requested some Lego for making two specific things, both rockets, one of which is the Saturn V. That’s the rocket used for the Apollo Moon Landings. I had made an Airfix kit of it in my teens, but it went the way of many “childish” things. Now, as my years unwind (somewhat quicker than expected 🙂 ), I wanted to recover a little of those memories, so I made a proposal to the family and they seem to have agreed to Dad’s weird Christmas presents! 

Mon 08-Oct-2018   

Constipation seems to be the name of the game, I wish I understood what happens in the bottom department! 

Teresa got back from Halsway in time for lunch today and an awful lot of nattering ensued, but as a result I failed to sleep at lunchtime – no surprise, brain clearly not ready to sleep 

I ended up late getting to bed and even then,only did so because we recognised the hyper manic state I get into when I am too tired 

Tue 09-Oct-2018   

Despite my exhaustion, it was an awful night last night, it took ages to sleep and then I only slept fitfully. I decided going to work was a bad idea, there was a danger I’s fall asleep at the wheel, or at my desk! 

Constipation is STILL running, so I took Senna this evening to ease things by the morning (hopefully!) 

Wed 10-Oct-2018   

Not going to work today, Senna can sometimes be “exciting” when it’s kicked in. 

However, although it had eased things, there was no wild excitement. 

Thu 11-Oct-2018   

Ok, first we are back to diarrhoea followed by a full Barney and a Loperamide, talk about from the sublime to the ridiculous, one day I’m blocking it, the next loosening it and the next blocking again. 

Oh well, we are getting there, though I have no idea where “there” is 🙂  

I also went out for a walk for a bit (20 min), now exhausted and pains in all sorts of places, but glad I did it 

For tea tonight, we have (at my request) Lasagne, a meal I love, but after a major diarrhoea attack this evening I remembered that it can trigger diarrhoea and I need to take Loperamide before it. Because I didn’t, my body has gone wild! 

Fri 12-Oct-2018   

Just an ordinary day, however it occurs to me that you read a lot about cancer and its impact on my life, somewhat about autism, but nowadays very little about gender diversity. I think the latter is because I am not running into any issues about just being who I am. Yesterday Teresa told me that a photo came up on Facebook from 10 years ago of a friend of ours (who sadly died this year) and another “bloke”. Teresa recognised the location (a trip to Russia in 2008) but who was this strange bloke? HE wasn’t on that trip, I was, it’s just that’s not how I look anymore and how I am now IS who I am. That I guess is that. In our village, pretty much anyone other than tourists know who I am and are no longer surprised, albeit I dare say some are confused but “live and let live” rules. The hospital, work, …, all know me well and just accept I am Bean, whatever bits are dangling (or not). 

Now we (well me) are back into constipation – maybe just nothing to go with but having taken 2 Loperamides yesterday I am starting to get concerned. 


There are many anniversaries coming up; indeed, since this “new” life started nearly a year ago, everything is an anniversary, hopefully a celebration that I made it “this time”, so we have: 

  • Strictly – say no more, it is an integral part of our relationship and build up to Christmas and always has been – last year Teresa was wondering whether she’d ever be able to watch it again. 
  • 27-Oct – Day of the accident and the original diagnosis 
  • 15th November – 11th anniversary of Teresa and I first meeting 
  • 24-Dec (as well as my sister Jane and my cat Jane’s birthday) it is the 50th anniversary of the first manned orbit of the moon (Apollo 8) 
  • 25-Dec Christmas #2 (since diagnosis) 
  • 16-Jan My Birthday #2 (since diagnosis) 
  • Not 14-Feb – Non-V #2, we have always celebrated Non-V, Valentine’s day itself is just too commercial, but we do it our own way on a nearby day, even this year we managed. 
  • 19-Apr Teresa Birthday #2 (since diagnosis) 
  • 20-Jul 50th Anniversary of the first moon landing. This is the one I feared I would never make and am still a long way from being able to believe I will, 6 months is a VERY long time in the life of cancer 
  • And then we are on to Season #2 of Folk Festivals, planning but not too much in case I am too ill or worse! 
  • And, of course, we have the regular 3 month go/no go scans punctuating everything 🙁  

The Bean, Pendeen, 30-Oct-2018 



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