Letter from the North

Assignment takes over – 19-Jan-2019

Sat 19-Jan-2019

Burli and Jane are happy with the new bed

Sat 19-Jan-2019

In the office by 7am, finished first draft of last week’s blog ready for publication tomorrow and now time to get on with my assignment, these next two days are crucial for me to finish the first draft and start editing as I only have 10 days left and six of them are work days when I only get an hour or two at the end of the day when I am most tired!

Pretty good work on the assignment, it is slow, but I am getting there.

Moved my assignment work to the DSA laptop, which is what it’s for, leaving my work computer for work.

The two computers are on opposite sides of the office and I just spin my chair across the room, it’s like two different worlds and, I think, psychologically helps put me in assignment mode.

I also now produce the blogs on this computer which is nice

Diarrhoea was bad again this evening, however after normal poo in the morning and two, increasingly severe sessions this evening, it settled down once I was settled in bed.

Sun 20-Jan-2019

And normal poo this morning!

Every week I count out my various drugs, sorted into days, this is the typical weekly detritus in finished packets, the packets vary, the number rarely does!

Drugs, drugs, nothing but drugs

Last week’s blog has been released and I continue with the assignment

Mon 21-Jan-2019

Awards do matter because they help raise visibility, of course there are a heck of a lot more people who deserve awards who are not in the public limelight, but hey, it’s an imperfect world (says the perfectionist!) Richard Bacon: Why Rachael Bland podcast award matters

I need a clock above my desk, without one I have no idea of time at all, NONE, you cannot understand what none means, it could be am or pm, it could be 2pm or 10pm, I have no idea. Yes I can look on the computer but I hide my taskbar for space and it’s really small print and it’s not just a glance and I can glance every few minutes because a minute and an hour feel the same to me in terms of a sense of time passing. I have written and talked in the past about my sense of time, effectively ALL time (past present in future) is now it’s simply a matter of what I am considering at that moment.

I like to glance and see and I find the round clock face easy to “see” and I can tell where in the day I am (so long as I remember morning or afternoon, and since usually I am working during the day and if in the evening it is for a limited period (7pm to 9pm) I can usually remember when in the day I am!

However, I now a second desk opposite side of the office and no clock in line of sight, stupid as it sounds, a second clock is on order, a different colour so I know where in my office I am – yes, I lose track of that too!

Today, I bought Teresa a new (and decent) laptop. She has been lusting for one and she does so much for me for so little. I subsidised her new PC to make sure she got a more powerful one because she always clogs her PC up with google chrome and loads of tabs and “stuff”.

The money came from the money I got paid for the Contra which is supposed to be money for me to “enjoy”, well, it is being used for that, because I get pleasure out of doing something nice for Teresa and a good chunk of what’s left will be used to upgrade the campervan which (for now) is for both of us.

Tue 22-Jan-2019

Been in the office this morning, then sleep.

7:15pm, don’t want to go back to assignment, but decided to get one idea into the document, half an hour, easy?

Nope, word decides that it will refuse to work, files corrupt, work lost, total fuck up. Still got what I had before 7:15pm but even so.

Ok de-install office365 and re-install – annoying but fingers crossed.

Not stupid all my work is stored on a backup disk AND in the cloud and hence also on my other computers – belt and braces!

So, turn around whilst word is re-installing and my saxophone goes flying across the office (3’ so no short distance) no idea how I knocked it.

I snap, the only thing I can do to stop myself smashing things (sax through the new laptop, …) is scream loud and long and profane. It worked, I kept control, in the past I would have actually succumbed to melt down and I WOULD have done just that (sax into laptop) and to hell with the consequences.

So, now the anger and stress are coursing, adrenalin pumping and I have to keep in control, not get cross with Teresa (hardly her fault!!!!) and from past experience days for stress to go, I only have ONE day to get assignment to Teresa for editing to make the deadline in a week.

Panic, …

Wed 23-Jan-2019

A surprisingly decent nights sleep

Poo, diarrhoea, the story remains the same.

Buried in the assignment as I have six days to finish and the first draft is not close to being ready

Thu 24-Jan-2019

Will be buried for the rest of the week (and weekend) in the assignment so unless it’s earth shattering it won’t appear here.

One thought is how exhausting the mental processes are to do this, I am literally physically and mentally wiped out. I know what this sort of writing is like I did it evenings and weekends for a year in a caravan away from home. NO problem. It might be a few years later, but no way outside of the cancer and drugs has my stamina wilted that much.

Still, I am learning all of the shortcuts and techniques I need to stay on top of the 2nd assignment, it’s just a shame that the 2nd starts as soon as this one finishes so I get, at best , a week’s break and even then I have a trip to Sheffield to start it and that takes out a good chunk of my life in recovery.

Oh well, swivelling chair and back to the assignment, toodly pip, …

Fri 25-Jan-2019

The blood has gone, so no need for squeamishness (this time)

A trip to the Vampire today, because the renal cancer causes my kidneys to generate too much ‘epo’ (Erythropoietin) that causes my bone marrow to produce too many red blood cells, I end up with a high haemoglobin in my blood tests (I’ve talked about this before). The problem is the blood thickens increasing the risk of blood clots, stroke and liver damage. So, time to get it down. The answer appears to be good old-fashioned bloodletting! They take out blood and since the volume is replenished quickly but the red blood cells slowly, I get dilution and a normal, or at least a safe, haemoglobin level.

This morning we saw the haematology consultant at Treliske. Arrived an hour early because I am paranoid. Saw him an hour early! He was brilliant and the blood letting commenced.

Because I take a lot of drugs to control my blood pressure, instead of their usual 450ml (0.8 pints) they started with 350ml (0.6 pints). I didn’t faint (lowered blood pressure) so chances are they will up the drain more next time.

Brilliant, future sessions can be done at West Cornwall Hospital (like the CT scans) AND I can see the consultant there as well as he comes down alternate Tuesdays.

The NHS at its best.

So, had a blood letting today, another in two weeks, another two weeks after that and a third a month after that and then we’ll see. Chances are this will be a regular routine but not one that bothers me.

That said, when I told him I was autistic he said I didn’t seem to be, I maintained eye contact and communicated well. I replied “I am a good actor”! We had a brief conversation about how what he heard me say may not be want I meant and I what I heard him say may not be what he thinks I think it was. That was why Teresa was there with me to handle the translation if I failed, I didn’t, phew!

Back to that assignment, bye, …

Postscript

The announcement of these blogs is private to my Facebook friends, the blogs themselves are public if anyone wanted to find the web site (they don’t 🙂 ).

So, I decided to enter the world of twitter, I am an incredibly small minnow, I have no desire to be a “star” but if you want to hear about stuff a bit sooner or get announcement of the blogs sooner or just want to see me there I can be found as @beanbottomley – you can’t miss me, I’m the one with one follower (Teresa 🙂 )

Oh, don’t worry I may have been pretty quiet on the poo front, it hasn’t, I just have the assignment on my brain at the moment and nothing else matters. Normal service will be resumed next week.

The Bean, Pendeen, 27-Jan-2019

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